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-Chuck

Racist Celebs and Bullshit Apologies

A Virginia senatorial candidate, apparently put off by the appearance of a young Indian man videotaping his appearance for his opponent, singles him out in front of the nearly all-white audience of his campaign event. He calls the young man a word generally known to be synonymous with "monkey," and genially welcomes the young man, a US citizen, to America.

An aging movie hearthrob and director gets caught driving drunk one night. With no apparent provocation, this actor launches into an ugly, anti-semitic rant, accusing Jewish people of starting all the wars in the world. He also says a female deputy has "sugar tits," whatever those are.

A comic, about ten years past his most popular and successful series, is performing in an LA comedy club. Heckled by some young African American men, he flies off the handle completely, repeatedly calling the young men "niggers," and waxing nostalgic for a day when Black men would be lynched for such affrontery.

And I tell myself, this is the 21st Century.

I have met these racial incidents with an ascending scale of anger. The George Allen incident was ugly, but, forgive me, I was vaguely amused. Not by what Allen said, but with the thought, "oh, this moron is done." And I'd like to thank the voters of the Commonwealth of Virginia for making that come true. The Mel Gibson outburst came as no surprise. I would wager that backslapping asshole has performing variations of this routine for years to various sympathetic or sycophantic audiences. He just finally ran up against someone willing to blow the whistle on him. But I find myself truly angered and surprised, at the racist venom of Michael Richards, formerly "Kramer," of the Seinfeld show.

The saying goes, it's not what you say, but how you say it. That is why it is especially instructive to see the videotape of Richards' meltdown (go to TMZ.com and take a look). This was no case of someone, I don't know, slipping up on the word, "snicker." This was an angry, bitter tirade intended to totally dehumanize the two men who heckled him. This was no misstep. And it was no "performance art piece," as some apologists have suggested. It was the act of a showbiz has-been with no facility for stand-up saying what he wanted because he thought he could get away with it. Because he didn't think it would get out.

But it did. What I find as vexing as these repeated affronts by celebrities is the pantomime of apology that takes place thereafter. In Richards' case, there was a Jerry Seinfeld-initiated appearance on David Letterman's show Monday. Presumably, Seinfeld coerced his old co-star on the air to shore up the DVD sales of the not-always-racially-sensitive series' 7th season. Richards stumbled uncomfortably through his mea culpa, making pro forma denials of being racist, and offering apologies to "Afro-Americans." Um... whoops. A couple decades late with that one, Kramer.

When (sigh) Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton weighed in with their protests, Richards apologized to them, too, apparently as representatives of all "Afro-Americans." I don't know where White folks get the idea that Sharpton and Jackson speak for all Black people. Probably from Sharpton and Jackson.

Either way, apology definitely NOT accepted. You said what you meant the first time, Kramer. You too, Mel. You three, George. Even a turd like Vincent Gallo has the courage of his racist convictions. But you're going to notice the difference between yourself and your comrades soon, Mike. George Allen was allowed to maintain a measure of dignity because he was an incumbent senator from a red state. At least he was til election day. Mel Gibson was let off the hook after tea and sympathy with Diane Sawyer, largely because he's got something to sell: another orgy of bloody violence and dead languages. What have you got to sell, Mike? What have you done for us lately?

Such is the fate of the once-famous sitcom star. One day, everyone is quoting you around the water cooler. The next, you are sealing your fate as being unemployable, at least for the next 18 months. A cautionary tale for us all, but for Matt LeBlanc, especially. Don't try stand-up, no matter how rough it gets, Matt. It'll only end badly.

Trying Not to Gloat

Have you ever experienced the feeling of drowning before? Yeah, me neither, but I imagine. The tightness in your chest, the dizziness as the oxygen leaves your brain, the feeling of helplessness. Pretty much how I've felt since George W. Bush has been in office.

But this week, I got thrown a life preserver. The American voter, finally fed up with the ill-conceived, endless Iraq War, made a change. They turned over control of both houses of Congress to the Democrats. They also gave the majority of statehouses in this country to Democratic governors. They gave the hubristic, petulant President his most decisive defeat outside of the Persian Gulf. And I couldn't be happier.

It's hard not to feel a little annoyed, though. Did these people get a late pass? Didn't they see that we went to war on skewed intelligence and total bullshit? That there were no WMDs? That there was no contingency provided if the Iraqis didn't lay palm fronds at our soldiers' feet? That Bush and his cronies have damaged our admittedly shaky standing as a moral force in the world, with their raging hard-ons for torture and illegal spying?
Shouldn't this have been done TWO FREAKIN' YEARS AGO?

Yeah, but I guess it took that long for the electorate to see through Bush's manipulation of fear and combination of utter cluelessness and arrogance in Iraq before it sunk in. That combined with the Katrina fiasco of a year ago, and the unending scandals on the Hill, to send voters into the arms of Democrats, who collectively seem vaguely confused at their good fortune.

But it all plays into a theory that I have about America. It may seem naive, but hear me out: America is not as right-wing as it has been told it is. Deep down, when allowed to think rationally, when not blinded by ignorance and fear, Americans might just make the correct (not RIGHT) choice. Though they think they want a government run by the Right, when they get one, and things go too far, things finally get brought back around.

Think about a few years ago, when Newt Gingrich and his cronies engineered their "Contract with America," their plan to change the country on their terms, and keep it there. Ultimately, the hypocrisy and presumption of these guys led America to say, "no, thanks." The only time we see Gingrich these days, outside of Fox News, is when he's got some new shitty book to promote.

So this pendulum has swung the Democrats' way, but I don't want too be too optimistic. Heaven forbid. Because it could swing back to the right in two years. The Democrats need to learn from the lessons of those years in the wilderness and not keep making the same mistakes. And hey, Bush still has the Supeme Court on lock. That, besides Iraq and Katrina, will be the lasting legacy of his presidency.

But let's think positively for now, and say goodbye to some people that may have left our lives for good this week. George Allen, Rick Santorum, Robert Ehrlich, Donald Rumsfeld, so many others... SO LONG, SUCKERS!!

Waiting for the Great Leap Forward...

I really should blog more. But I've got an excuse. Often, I've been moved enough by a subject to want to write about it. But in the time it takes me to collect my thoughts to write something coherent here, I either lose the spark, or the subject cools down in the public mind and I say forget it. That's why I've yet to publish my personal examination of ex-DC Mayor Marion Barry, or my thoughts on why so many hip-hop CDs this year are coming up short, sales-wise.

But here, a week away from a midterm election that I hope will bring sweeping change to this country, I want to weigh in again on the elections in my area. First of all, I'll be so glad when it's all over. When every commercial break on television brings a new, numbing round of "he said, he said," political discourse means less and less, and relentlessness of it all makes you want to drive a nail through your head. Or someone's.

Anyway, here are some of the political issues that have come up in the past day or so that are irritating me:

-JOHN KERRY AND HIS BIG MOUTH The last man to run for President as a Democrat shot off hios mouth yesterday. In front of an audience of California college students. Essentially, he told them to study, mind their grades, or they could end up "stuck in Iraq." "NO, HE DID-UNT," said Republicans.

Seeing an opening to perhaps fend off the expected dismal failure next Tuesday, the GOP jumped on with both feet and roughed up Kerry. I thought this was a one day story, but they're trying to get all they can from this, and the media is cooperating, of course. Kerry is calling the statement a botched joke and apologized. I believe him. Because if he had simply said, "stuck in Iraq, like George Bush," there'd have been no story.

I have one piece of news for Republicans who want to make too much of this: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT JOHN KERRY IN 2006. The failed Presidential candidate we all love now is Al Gore. But you know they'll ignore this advice. Already I heard some dickhead "political consultant" named Mark Rozell on the local news stating that Kerry's statements could help Republicans because, as their last failed Presidential candidate, he's seen as the "leader of his party." By whom? Dickhead, no one considered Kerry the leader of the Democrats in 2004, and certainly not now. Let it die, GOP. You look desperate.

-MICHAEL STEELE THE HAND PUPPET Let me take some time to show some un-love to my man Steele again. Faced with dismal polls, hammered for his false claims of "independence" from unpopular Republican positions, MD Lt. Governor Michael Steele has an explanation for why he has never broken ranks with Governor Bob Ehrlich: job loyalty. Basically, Steele has said that he has not asserted himself since taking office because he has not wanted to break with Ehrlich, whom he considers his "boss." If elected to the Senate, he says, he will break his record of lock-step party loyalty and be his own man.

This smacks of pure horseshit. Given this line of logic, Mike, you would never go against party leadership or the President because, technically, as a freshman Senator, they'd be your bosses, too. Wow, that was too easy. Give me a little something to work with.

And for Wayne Curry and the other aggrieved African American Democrats who have abandoned their party's nominee to support Steele, I understand where you're coming from. Maryland's Democratic Party leadership does take Black folks for granted. But Steele ain't the horse to bet on, guys. Look into a third party. And hey, Wayne, your support did Rushern Baker a hell of a lot of good, didn't it?

-BODY-SLAMMED IN VIRGINIA I want to say something profound about the journalist/blogger who got physically assaulted yesterday when he asked VA Senator George Allen whether he ever spit on his first wife. But frankly, I'm laughing too hard. The guy's pressing assault charges, and he'll probably sue. Good for him. At least, he didn't get called "macaca."

I think this race, more than any other local one, has me throwing up my hands. Jim Webb, the Democratic challenger, said some really sexist crap during Tailhook years ago. He writes books with nasty sex scenes. George Allen is a crypto-racist, who hits Bush-esque notes for cluelessness. And these guys won't stop slinging mud.

I have no stake in VA politics, but I do want Allen to lose this close race. But win or lose, I believe that any talk about George Allen for the Presidency is over now. If anyone out there is as sick of his disingenuous smile and dimwitted squint as I am, he'll be through in a few years, if not Tuesday.

That's my take, as of November 1st. All I'll say to conclude is, get out and vote Tuesday. Unless you're Republican. Just kidding. Not really.

Black Republican Folly... uh, Follies

"I know what you're thinking. I know what you're feeling," the man says. His tone is jovial. His body language is informal. The background music is jaunty. He's sitting in a set with a blank white background, and he tells us what we're thinking and feeling and what he plans to do to help us get what we want. But despite the fact that this TV commercial looks like a promo for a new talk show, what this guy is selling isn't celebrity interviews or cooking segments. It's himself, a candidate for Senate, Republican Michael Steele.

For anyone who doesn't live in Maryland, or the Greater Metropolitan DC area, you have my sympathies, because you missing the dawn of a new era in ridiculous political advertising. MD Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele, whom I think is the highest elected Black Republican in America, in his first campaign for the US Senate, has created a campaign ad that reflects not on his record (such as it is), or any specific program he is proposing. Instead, he advances an ad that makes him look like the next freakin' Montel Williams.

Don't get me wrong, though. I appreciate Steele's urge to do something different. Commercial breaks loaded with "I approve this message" ads full of White guys throwing charges and making promises makes waiting for your show to come back on even more excruciating than it normally is. And frankly, after seeing Steele's generally cool-headed appearances as the Token Conservative on Bill Maher's Real Time panel a couple of times, I'd rather vote for him as Talk Show Host than Senator.

But Steele's point gets deducted for a couple reasons: 1) He didn't have much choice. As a Republican running for a Democratic seat in a "blue state," he stands at a definite disadvantage, and needs to do something different to stand out; 2) The ad has zero substance. Given that Steele and his partner, Gov. Bob Ehrlich, don't have much of a record to run on (besides slot machines and suburban sprawl), beyond his promise to say "what's wrong about both parties," he doesn't say just what the hell he plans to do for any of us.

Maybe this has something to do with Michael Steele's status as the most high-profile Black Republican in a time when Republicans in general are taking a well-deserved beating. Frankly, this commercial is one of the few times that I have seen Steele and he isn't groaning about how hard it is for him to be a Black Republican. Black people hate him, they throw Oreos at him, wah wah waah! It's funny that a constant complaint that conservatives have about minorities is that we supposedly cling to a victim's mindset regarding past inequities. And here's their main man, sounding like a victim all the time.

Anyway, good luck with your campaign, Mr. Steele. But not too much. It's not like I want you to win, or anything. But if your political ambitions don't play out, go for that talk show. You don't appear to be an annoying scold like Armstrong Williams or Larry Elder. Yet. And while you're not as good-looking as Tyra Banks, you do have Megan Mullaly beat.

(If Needed) One More Reason We Should Impeach the Bastard

According to Bush's press conference yesterday, US troops will remain in Iraq as long as he is President. Anybody wanna do something about that?

After a few months of floundering, Bush has found the political approach to the war that will take him into November's midterm elections. Basically, express a few doubts and concerns, but keep doing the same shit that you've been doing. Far from admitting that the reasons for war were counterfeit, or the prosecution of the war was flawed, or Iraq stands on the verge of a civil war that US forces alone cannot stop, Bush has decided that it is best that he remain a fool, as long as he appears a decisive fool.

Nothing new there. What I find intriguing is the latest permutation of Karl Rove's win-at-all-costs policy. According the news reports, the President is giving Republicans in certain states "permission" to run against Bush. These candidates would be allowed to rip Bush a new one over this mismanaged, costly, unpopular war on the campaign trail and not be penalized with the loss of those party funds that Bush raises so well. Presumably, when the election has been won, these men and women will return to the Republican fold and not just, you know, keep telling the truth. Interesting policy. Keep your majority and keep your approval ratings low at the same time. But it's not like you have to run again, right, Dub?

Faced with failure and frustration at all sides, Bush and Co. are determined to make us all (Democrats, Republicans, Iraqis, etc.) suffer for their mistakes. But as long as there remains a core of easily duped Americans that will run into their arms every time any news of a terrorist threat is leaked, their defeat remains uncertain. Prepare yourselves folks for a long fall full of handcuffed Muslim men and endless airport waits.

WATCH THE WIRE! GODDAMMIT!

During the past few weeks, while anxiously awaiting for Armageddon to break out between the Hearst and Swearengen/Bullock factions on HBO's excellent show, Deadwood, I've been re-watching the third season of a show that's even better, in my opinion, the Wire. I already knew that this was the best season of one of my favorite shows, but watching it again, I'm able to savor some of the show's endless details all over.

The third season of the show overcame the somewhat defensive, transitional nature of season two to hit us with the gripping story of Hamsterdam, Baltimore's ill-fated, police-sanctioned, open-air drug zone, the parting of ways between arch-villains Avon Barksdale and Stringer Bell, and the dogged pursuit of both by the dedicated, flawed cops of the Major Crime Unit.

When I was a teenager, some network ad people coined the phrase "a Novel for Television." What this mostly meant was a conventional TV movie expanded to six-hour-plus length. Sometimes these movies resonated (ABC's Roots, NBC's Holocaust), sometimes they didn't (ABC's endless the Winds of War), but the tropes of novelistic storytelling were rarely attempted.

The Wire, created by Baltimore authors Ed Burns and David Simon, and bolstered by crime writers like George Pelecanos and Richard Price, truly takes the novel for TV approach seriously. The characters come from a wide ranging social spectrum, from good-natured, enterprising drug addict, Bubbles, to vindictive, closeted homosexual Baltimore Police Major Rawls, to gleefully, untouchably corrupt State Senator Clay Davis. Seemingly insignificant events gather importance as the story progresses. Stories are paced to have a beginning, middle and end (take that, Sopranos!). And the repercussions of past events are carefully considered.

So, anyway... START WATCHING THE WIRE. Season four, starting on HBO on September 10, is pivotal. HBO, with its ill treatment of Deadwood and its initiation of crap shows like Lucky Louie, seems to be in a rush to shed its reputation as the Home of Quality TV. So Burns and Simon's proposed fifth and final season has yet to be green-lighted. The Wire needs you. And better still, you need it.

Much has been made of the assumption, and David Simon's admission, that more White people don't watch the Wire because the cast is predominently Black. Sigh. White People, I seldom address you directly, but these matters call for it: GET OVER YOURSELVES. Jesus, it's not like we're asking you to watch Eddie Griffin movies or something. Watch just a couple episodes of this show and I can guarantee you, race aside, will find any number of characters to identify with or appreciate. Maybe Lester Freamon, the brilliant detective who is brought back to life after being placed on the shelf for years for crossing the aforementioned Rawls. Or Cutty Wise, the drug gang muscle who has lost his taste for the game. Or Marlo Stanfield, the smooth-faced, dead-eyed drug kingpin-in-the-making. Or Kima Greggs, the uncloseted lesbian detective who thinks it's necessary to reject domesticity to be a good cop.

And furthermore... I, as a member of a minority group, have watched countless movies and television shows that have featured little or no people that look like me. And yet I still live. You owe me, White folks. For four seasons of Frasier alone. You guys can watch the Wire, then recover by watching Gilmore Girls reruns and eating mayonaise out of the jar.

So, anyway, like I said, watch the Wire, starting September 10, 9:00 pm EST. HBO'S not paying me. I give you this advice 'cause I care about YOU.