You can't make this shit up...

Vice President Dick Cheney shot a man this past Saturday in what was called a "hunting accident." Supposedly, Cheney was hunting quail on a private ranch in Texas with a friend, Texas millionaire attorney Harry Whittington, when Cheney supposedly misfired and sprayed Whittington with shotgun pellets in the face and chest. The 78-year-old Whittington is said to be in stable condition after having spent time in intensive care. Cheney was hustled back to DC, and, as of Monday morning, has offered no comment.

I'll leave the issue of why it took nearly 24 hours for news of this shooting to be released to other, more conspiracy-minded bloggers. It's kinda fishy, though. Basically, had reporters not asked questions regarding the shooting, based on info they'd received, the White House would presumably have maintained their stonewall. And the only witness account so far seems to twist itself in knots trying to make Cheney appear blameless. Hmmm.

No, I'm not here to speculate. I'm here to take shots myself. You know, jokes. Anti-gun advocate James Brady weighed in first. Yesterday, Brady said: "Now I understand why Dick Cheney keeps asking me to go hunting with him. I had a friend once who accidentally shot pellets into his dog - and I thought he was an idiot." God, I love Jim Brady.

With respect to Mr. Whittington, who I hope makes a full recovery, here are my first few passes at jokes on this story. Give me a call, John Stewart. You need a few Black faces on your show.

- Cheney shot a guy this weekend. I guess pulling the wings off flies and drowning puppies just isn't good enough anymore.

- If he was THAT close a friend to Dick Cheney, he probably deserved to be shot.

And my personal favorite:
- Dammit. And on the one day that Bush ISN'T on vacation!

Convenient Timing & Suspicious Minds

In the past few years, with every invasion into our privacy that the Bush Administration has implemented, from the Patriot Act to the recently revealed Domestic Spying Program, the President and his surrogates have repeatedly stressed that these incursions are not being brought up as part of a power grab by the White House, but as a necessary tool in the War on Terrorism. And, almost always, they will say, "American lives have already been saved by programs such as these." To which my frustrated response has always been: "WHO? WHEN? WHERE? GODDAMMIT!" Specifics of these alleged narrow escapes is rarely forthcoming.

Until yesterday. Facing increasing pressure from the media, Democrats, and whatever Republicans Karl Rove couldn't arm-twist, over the unwarranted eavesdropping program Bush had undertaken with the NSA, the Prez finally called my bluff. In a statement yesterday, Bush asserted that a planned attack on the Library Tower in Los Angeles (he erroneously called the building the "Liberty Tower" - doesn't anyone rehearse this guy?) in 2002 was averted by spying done by the US and other countries. He outlined a plan through which terrorists planned to hijack a plane through the use of shoe bombs and crash the plane into the Tower, one of the tallest buildings in LA. The implication was clear. Without such initiatives as Bush's FISA-circumventing spy program, we'd have planes dropping out of the sky and skyscrapers destroyed in every major city in the country.

Of the news networks that reported on Bush's statement, some questioned the timing of the Administration's release of this information, four years out. This skepticism is understandable. No one in the mass media yesterday would go so far as to say it, but I will. THESE GUYS LIE. Frequently. Compulsively. And quite often, successfully. The Bush Administration has conveniently manipulated the threat level and released information about the danger of terrorist attacks when it is most politically advantageous for them. A lot of observers have credited his manipulation of the "Oh, shit!" factor for helping him win the last election. So why wouldn't he do this now, with his ratings low and his spying under siege?

But as much as he said yesterday, attention should also be paid to what he did not say. He did not say whether this particular threat was stopped by his NSA listening program. He did not say how much a part other countries paid in the interception of information and cessation of the threat. He did not say how, even in 2002, terrorists thought shoe bombs were still a viable tool.

None of those things are supposed to matter, though. The bell has been rung yet again. Having been made aware of an alleged attempt to attack us, even four years ago, the American people are supposed to cower in our duct-taped homes, thank God, and throw our support behind George W. Bush. Not necessarily in that order. For someone who claims so much love and respect for Americans (well, except the gay ones, and the poor ones, and...), what Bush & crew really depend on is our gullibilty. But I'd like to think the unquestioning, cowlike stupidity a lot of Americans display in these matters must end eventually. As Bush himself might say (in a halting tone, with a smug half-smirk on his face), "Fool ne once, shame on you. Fool me five dozen times, shame on me."